Guide
Where to put your napkin at a French dinner
The short answer: on your lap while eating, on your chair during a brief absence, and left of the plate afterwards. These are the French conventions taught in Chapter 5 of Maison Manners.
A napkin does more than protect your clothes. Its position helps distinguish a short pause from the end of your meal. If nobody explained this before, you are not alone. Here is the sequence to follow at your next French dinner.
Wait for your host
At a private dinner, wait until your host unfolds their napkin before opening yours. At a restaurant, unfold it once everyone is seated, often after ordering. Sometimes the server places it for you.
This guide concerns the napkin you use as a guest. The position of an unused napkin in a place setting is a different question. Do not interpret its starting position as an instruction for where to leave it after eating.
Place it on your lap
Open a large napkin halfway, with the fold towards you, and lay it across your knees. Open a small napkin completely. Keep it there while you eat, rather than tucking it into your collar or waistband.
Use it to dab your lips discreetly before drinking and after each course. It is not a face cloth or a tissue. A gentle dab is enough; there is no need to rub your face.
Leaving the table briefly
If you need to step away, leave the napkin loosely folded on the seat of your chair. Not on the backrest, and not on your plate. In the convention taught here, this indicates that you intend to return.
When you come back, put it on your lap again. Leave used cutlery resting on your plate, rather than on the tablecloth.
Our fork and knife guide explains the separate signals for cutlery.
At the end of the meal
When you leave, place your napkin to the left of your plate. If the plate has already been removed, place it where the plate stood.
Do not carefully recreate its original folds, and do not roll it into a ball. Leave it loosely arranged, never on the plate. This is a used napkin at the end of dining, not a fresh place setting.
Practise before your next dinner
Remember the three places: lap, chair seat, then beside the plate. Customs can differ between traditions and venues; this guide follows our French Course rather than claiming a universal rule.
The free Table Test covers 10 dinner situations in English or French. An email address is required before your Score appears. You then see your missed answers explained.
For a complete path, the Course includes 10 Chapters, their Quizzes and a Certificate. The Course is currently in French. Lifetime access costs $39, paid once. See the Course
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